brokenhearted

O God, listen to my cry! Hear my prayer! From the ends of the earth, I will cry to you for help, for my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of saftey. Psalm 61:1-2

From the depths of despair, O Lord, I call for your help. Psalm 130:1

Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die. Let me hear your unfailing Love to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I have came to you in prayer. Psalm 143:7-8

He told them, " My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and watch with me." He went on a little farther and fell face down on the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. "Abba Father," he said "everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will- NOT mine. Mark 14:34-36

These verses are my prayers. For my heart is overwhelmed and my mind doesnt understand many things. I know he will not put me through anything I can not handle, yet it is still hard to see that through all the hurting, the memories and the questions. Last night I started to write a letter, at first it started as sentences of anger, hurting and questions of why. As I remembered memories I wrote them down in detail and began to grief, not wanting to forget anything.

"... I opened my heart up to you and told you all my deepest thoughts, secrets, insecurities and became totally vulnerable to you- I laid it all out to you, and you showed me nothing but Love. You didn't care about my past- my sins, failures, insecurities- you justed loved me unconditionally and saw deeper than all of those things. You loved me for me. Not the things I did, but for who I was and my heart..."

"...Now all of that is over. You show no compassion to me and reject me as though it is so easy for you. I feel so vulnerable and hurt. I dont understand how someone can just decide to stop loving another in two days- as though it comes easy and means nothing. Because of you I am like this..."


As I continued and came to a stopping point, 10 pages later, I reread all of my letter. Through the words I wrote I felt like God was speaking to me. For our broken hearts can lead us to God- Humility is a good starting place on the road to God. The words in the passage I wrote at first were not words to the Lord but memories of the past.

The second time reading it- The Lord showed me that is how he is. He wants to love me unconditionally and wants to be my everything. He wants hold me in his heart untill he can hold me in his arms. No man on earth is able to give me what Jesus can give me. And even though it hurt so much, I know he will help me. For the Lord comforts the broken hearted by his presence, his compassion, his listening, his love, his healing, his encouragement and his blessings.

Mathew 5:4
"God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

Psalm 51:17
...The sacrifice you want is a broken spirit. A broken and repentant heart, O God, you will not despise.